never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
