I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Found the puke drawer
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
