yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
We need to rekindle our bromance
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
