Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
