I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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