had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
