They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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