Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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