I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Randomize
