I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
These tits shall not be calmed
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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