While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
