It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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