We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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