Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
