I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
