it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
