i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
