Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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