He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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