i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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