Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
