My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
