I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
