I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
