he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
