my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
