So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
