she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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