make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
