Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
