did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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