At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
