Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
