Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
