please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Randomize
