i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
