I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
They are going to name an STD after you.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
