You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
someone owes me an orgasm
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
