really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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