I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
