You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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