Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
