in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
