Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Operation Purity has been aborted
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Randomize
