I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
