i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
