Please, let me fuck your mom
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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