Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
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