I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
