i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
