No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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