How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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