i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
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