we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Randomize
